Chapter Fifty Three

Nothing was the same after that day. For hours, the young Raizada couple cried, Khushi for hours more, as the two held each other. When Aryan and Shalini had heard the news, neither could believe it. They had gone to their children's side immediately, even though Shalini was still quite drained. They all cried together, never letting go of the other.

The rest of the Raizada clan had arrived not long later, holding many balloons, excited to see their new cousin and new nephew. But the second they entered Khushi's room and saw the state of the four, it all went away. No one could believe that such a travesty had occurred.

When Khushi was done shedding her tears, she did nothing, absolutely nothing. She would stay motionless and quiet, and there were moments where Arnav feared that she, too, had left him. But the slight rise and fall of her chest proved to him that she was still there, physically. He tried hard to get her to speak to him, but she never did, not even after leaving the hospital.

The Raizada mansion changed after that day. Khushi's brightness no longer shined in the home, as all she did was absolutely nothing. For days, she stayed in bed, only getting up when she needed to. She barely ate, the tray of food Arnav would bring for her remaining untouched. He tried and begged her to eat, but it rarely worked.

Shalini couldn't stand to see her daughter hurt like this. She wanted to soothe her, but she feared it as well. While her daughter couldn't give her milk to her deceased child, she was able to for her young daughter. There were moments where Shalini was scared to go in front of her, more when she was with the baby. On the rare occasions Khushi would come out of the room, Shalini would freeze, unsure of how the sight of her would make Khushi feel. But Khushi remained robotic, only staring forward blankly, carrying on with what she needed to do.

She hated to see her like this, absolutely hated it. Shalini had so many dreams and wishes, excited for her Khushi to experience what it's like to be a mother. She had hoped to raise her daughter with her grandchild and experience new things. But above all, she had dreamed of Khushi's happiness... and now it was all gone.

That's why, one day, Shalini offered to give her daughter Ahana, to Khushi. Both Arnav and Khushi were shocked by Shalini's proposal, and Shalini explained that it was okay. Her dream of having a daughter had come true, but more important was her dream of Khushi becoming a mother. But the young couple denied, Khushi especially. After everything her mother had gone through, she deserved her daughter. Of course Shalini denied, but Khushi continued to refuse.

She didn't find herself capable to be a mother. In fact, she thought that if Shalini had given Ahana to her, the young girl would die too. It just seemed to be her luck.

Months passed, and baby Ahana was changing quickly. As much as Aryan and Shalini wanted to share the joy, they didn't want it to hurt Khushi. She had started to come out of her room and had begun to do some of the housework, but she was still very much sensitive. It was clear whenever she would catch sight of Ahana.

Through it all, Arnav couldn't stand to see his love like this, whatsoever. It pained him to see her as so. He wished for her to return to normal, no matter whatever it took. He just wanted his Khushi back.

But not only did Arnav feel pain, he felt anger. That little faith he had gained in divine above through his wife and the return of his mother, was shattered. He was angry - furious even. Every night, he cursed above and asked why his innocent child, who hadn't even been in the world for a day, had been taken from him. He asked why he had been given all of these dreams, only for them to be shattered. He asked why all this grief was bestowed on him, on his Khushi.

His anger didn't end their. His anger also spread to the so called parents of Khushi's. When Shyam had been told of the tragedy, he had come running to his sister's side. But her parents? Not a word was said from them nor heard.

In all of the anger, a bad habit had formed for Arnav - he had begun drinking. In the mornings he would work and in the evenings, he would drink himself away. It had become so bad, that it was necessary for someone to always be around him. With Khushi still quiet and distant, she barely paid attention to him. In the evenings, she would cry herself to sleep, never realizing the wasted Arnav who would come through the door, drunk out of his mind. And because she would over sleep, she never saw the hungover Arnav wake up, looking like a mess.

One night when Arnav was at the bar, once again getting drunk, Sheetal was there. She had heard of the news and had felt very bad for Arnav.

But she also took this as an opportunity.

She had heard of Arnav's new drinking habit and had followed him for a bit. She knew when he'd be here at the bar and how many drinks to wait before approaching him. And just as he hit that drink count, Sheetal approached him.

Placing her hand on his shoulder, she sat across from him. "Hi Arnav," she said softly, yet seductively.

Arnav glanced at her through his glass, his eyebrow cocked. He noticed the plunging neckline to her dress and immediately knew what she was up to, so he groaned.

"What the fuck do you want Sheetal," he asked, annoyed.

"Relax Arnav, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened.... it just isn't fair."

Arnav snorted and waved at the bartender, who knew to get him another drink.

"I mean it Arnav. It's just tragic!"

"Tell me about it," he scoffed as his new drink was placed in front of him.

"To see you like this... Arnav, it hurts me."

This time, Arnav couldn't hold back his laugh. Sheetal watched him with wide eyes as he howled with laughter.

"Oh, you're a fucking cow, really, you know that," he chuckled.

Sheetal was shocked. "Excuse me?"

Arnav glared at her and Sheetal gulped. "Do you really think I don't know what you're trying to do?"

"Arnav-"

"If you really think that you're going to be able to seduce me and try to take me away from my wife, you're very sadly mistaken," he said, his voice cryptic.

"I-"

"Get out of my fucking face Sheetal, and don't ever come in front of me again. I didn't know why I ever gave you the benefit of the doubt, you're such a whore."

His words hurt her and she tried to reason with him, but Arnav tossed her hand off of him and got up to leave. He hadn't drunk as much as he usually did, but he was still slightly drunk.

Arnav was heading to the door when he heard some guys laughing. They spoke amongst themselves and through their conversation, Arnav had learned that Shyam Gupta was engaged and was going to have have a grand wedding. The news shocked him, mainly because he didn't know a thing. And he was damn sure his wife didn't know a single thing either.

*~*

Khushi folded her clothes and put them away in the wardrobe. She was about to head to the bathroom to take a shower, when the door came flying open. She watched in shock as her husband struggled to walk. He was about to topple over when she went running to his side.

"Arnav? Arnav, what's wrong," she asked, caressing his cheek as they knelt to the floor.

Arnav didn't say a word and watched her. For the first time after these few months, there was emotion on his wife's face. She barely spoke and he reveled as her words echoed in his ears. He watched her lips move as she worried for him, and smiled.

"Arnav, please tell me what's wrong," she began to cry.

Arnav reached out and wiped away the lone tear that had escaped. Khushi paused and looked at him with confusion. Arnav continued to smile, taking hold of his wife's face in his hands.

"I've missed you," he said.

Khushi just looked at him. From the smell of his clothes and his breath, Khushi knew that he had been drinking.

He never used to drink like this, not never! How could he...? Since when did he drink like this? He would never-! But for how long has he been doing this? How could I have not noticed this before? ...How could I have done this to him? How could I have ignored him after everything we've been through? After all the pain? How could I have done this to him?

Khushi began to cry and pulled Arnav to her. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, burying his face to her neck as she cried.

"I'm so sorry, I'm such a horrible wife," she cried.

Arnav pulled back and kissed her, Khushi kissing him back with desperation. It had been months since she had been in her husband's hold, and she missed it terribly. Arnav had missed his wife too and needed her very much. He helped her up to her feet and Khushi let him walk her back to the bed. Both came crashing down and Khushi entwined her fingers in his hair. Arnav's hands wandered over her body quickly, pulling on her sweatpants and t-shirt, as that was all she would wear these days. It didn't take long for both to remove their clothes. Hands wandered over naked flesh, and so did their lips. Both wanted this closure more than anything, so without a word, Arnav entered her.

Both cried out together, and for the first time in all these few months, they felt complete. Arnav gazed down at the love of his life and Khushi looked at him with tears in her eyes. A lone tear escaped and Arnav kissed it away. That night, they not only made love, but finally allowed their grieving to set. They had lost their son, and they were ready to accept that no matter what they would do, they could never bring him back. The only thing they could do was accept the truth, and learn to move on.

That night, Arnav held Khushi tightly on his arms. Neither spoke a word, laying there quietly. They had grieved, but not together, and they had finally reached that final step.

Khushi turned in Arnav's hold and looked up at him. Arnav looked down at her and for a moment, neither spoke.

"Why do you do it," Khushi eventually asked softly, breaking the silence.

Arnav understood what she was talking about. "To grieve."

"It's not a a good way of doing so."

"I know."

"Did you not once think of me?"

"Every moment."

"Liar."

Arnav scrunched his eyebrows.

"If you really did, you wouldn't have ever drunk this much. If you really did, you'd know how much I hate it and how this could kill you."

Arnav looked at her in shock. "Khushi-"

"After losing him, how could you possibly think of doing something so reckless which could make me lose you," she asked, tears streaming free again.

Arnav shook his head as he wiped her tears away, and pulled her back to him. She cried into his neck as Arnav soothed her. He truly felt guilty. How could he have gone into something as reckless as that and hurt his Khushi even more?

"I'm so sorry Khushi," he whispered. "I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry," he said through his tears.

Khushi reached up and kissed him hard as her tears flowed. "Please don't ever leave me."

"Never. Not now, not in this lifetime, not in any," he vowed.

"I love you."

"I love you too baby," and he sealed her lips with his.

*~*

After sating themselves once more, Khushi laid on top of Arnav's chest, staring blankly.

"Khushi?"

"Hmm?"

"Did Shyam reach out to you recently?"

This caught her attention and she lifted herself up slightly to look at him. "No, why?"

Arnav gritted his teeth and Khushi could see the anger within him begin to boil. She reached out and caressed his cheek, dropping butterfly kisses on his face.

"Why, what's wrong," she asked. "Is he okay?"

"Why wouldn't he be, he's getting married."

Khushi looked at her husband in shock. "He... what?"

"That's right. Your sweet, loving brother is getting married without telling you."

Khushi looked down in thought, then laid back down on his chest with a sigh. "I'm happy for him."

"How could you be after he didn't even tell you of this news?"

"Can you blame him?"

"Uh, yeah, I can!"

Khushi looked up at him. "Do you really blame him from hiding his happy news from his grieving sister?"

Arnav paused. He hadn't thought of it that way. But still, he didn't like it. "I don't care."

Khushi scoffed lightly. "I didn't think you would."

Arnav rolled his eyes and Khushi placed placed a kiss on his chest.

"Please don't be mad at him."

"I can't promise you that."

"Can you try? For me?"

Arnav sighed and caressed her cheek, tilting her head up so she would look at him. "I can try."

Khushi nodded and reached up to kiss him. They laid awake the rest of the evening, barely saying a word, even as the dawn cracked through their windows.

It was a new day and both understood that it was time to go past this chapter and begin anew, just as another had a few months ago.